My center: I'm totally not feeling it

So when I was visiting my old yoga studio, I was like, wow, mirrors!  I forgot about these!

And then I was like, OMG, I am crooked.  Like, constantly.

Because you know how people say to feel your center?  Yeah, I don't feel that.  I have a couple of theories about why this is.  One is my general lack of body awareness - I have a tough time feeling parts of my body even when I concentrate on doing exactly that.  I bump into things all the time because I don't necessarily remember the dimensions of my body.  Yeah. 

But the other thing is that I am Really Bendy. (You know those kids' toys that are like a giraffe made out of beads threaded together on a little stand and when you squeeze the stand, the thread was now no longer taut and the animal falls over?  Yeah, my body is naturally like that - getting things to stack is *hard*.)  I got some support for this once when I asked My Favorite (ex*) Classmate about how he found his alignment in headstand.  He looked at me like I was nuts and said, dude, I can't move very far, and this is the place that feels right.  I am slightly jealous of that ability to feel it, because I just don't.  And without visual cues (like the mirror!) I must be twisted all the time.  (Sensei does give me feedback sometimes, but ... I wish I could just know.)

Anyway, Sensei did say I was getting better, but I am never sure how much is just to soothe me and how much is truth.  And I don't want to be better-than-terrible, I want the gorgeous poses the skinny girls do.  (Also a pony car and a cabana boy who gives footrubs.)  La.

Comments

[valerie]

i'm not really a fan of mirrors in yoga studios. even if you are crooked, i think it's important to feel where center is instead of seeing it.

p.s. every girl wants a cabana boy that gives foot rubs :)

[Cursing Yogini]

My problem is I don't feel center.  At all.  Ever.  I have *zero* sense of where it is.  (And telling me to "just try to feel it!" and "try harder!" doesn't help, despite one particular yoga teacher repeating it to me for six months.)

I think sometimes mirrors can help me with this (sometimes sensei will say "go home and do X in front of a mirror tonight!").  I agree they can be a crutch, but I think they can also be a useful tool.